Just when I think things are going to change...

....he goes and does this to me! I mean really, does he think that I'm going to believe that he's texting me and I'm not getting his messages. That's never happened before. NEVER! Do I really look that stupid to him? Just the day before he told me that he loved me! He told me I was one of his priorities! I know that I just need to relax and take it easy with this whole situation. Afterall, it was me that told him to enjoy and take advantage of the opportunity he's been given of not having his son with him right now. I know he misses him to pieces but this time without him should help him get all this out of his system until he gets his stability back. Why do I keep blaming myself for whats going on? It's always been like that with him though. I start to feel bad for him and then I feel guilty for thinking everything I'm thinking and then there I go again, kissing his ass! Ugh! I'm just aggravated, and this aggravation consumes me completely. It takes over me and depresses me and I just want to be left alone. I end up being mean to everyone that loves me until I hear from him again, and then I'm back to normal. (whatever normal is) I dont know what to do, but getting it off my chest and just writing (typing) it all out is making me feel better. I just dont want to talk to any of my family and friends about it because I dont want them to judge me and what I'm doing. I feel stupid as it is, to let them make me feel stupid. Just the look on their faces alone would probably kill me! I feel heartbroken! I feel like I'm falling apart! I feel like I'm not me anymore! I don't want to feel this way! I was fine without him! Why can't I be fine with him? I need help!